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Transformers 3: Dark of Moon (2011)

July 2, 2011


Transformers
June 29, 2011
2140 hours

Cinema 1,
Eastwood Citywalk 2,
Quezon City

Oh my! I actually forgot to make a blog post about Transformers 3: Dark of Moon which I already got to watch as early as last Wednesday, July June 29, way ahead of a lot of people. I guess that must mean something. Although I was terribly busy since Monday with all the unscheduled meetings that was on-going at the office, a lot of people can attest that I always have time for a “potentially-good movie.” And if I did find time for a “potentially-good movie” and it really turned out to be interesting enough may it be for the good or the bad of it, I always found time to make a blog post no matter how lame or short or shallow my so-called uber-personalized critique slash movie-watching narrative would become.

This is why upon recalling just a couple of hours ago about my unintentional absentmindedness; I guess that means a lot about how Transformers 3 actually delivered. Just like fastfood, Transformers 3 is not bad if you just want to fill an empty stomach. But it’s not a meal to remember either. Transformers 1 was almost like “The Matrix” for my cinematic hunger for something new last 2007. Maybe this is why I think Transformers 2 was very bad, in my honest opinion. Transformers 3, once again, is the usual roundabout of good special effects, Shia LaBeouf overexposure, product placement diarrhea (e.g. Lenovo, Nokia, that book “She Comes First”, Mercedes-Benz, Trump, Trump, Trump, etc.), plus the innate longing to surprisingly see Megan Fox for the last time. Who knows, right? To give credit to the movie, they did mention “the bitch,” if you know what I mean.

Now, rather than focusing on the plot of the movie which is once again Samuel Witwicky saving the world for the 3rd time as if it was so simple as tying one’s shoelaces, I’d like to focus on the little nothings which interested me more than what was actually shown in the movie posters. Once again, spoiler alert, but that’s if you still haven’t seen the movie. This goes to show that the so-called twist about Sentinel Prime’s true colors was just a dead giveaway (pun intended,) and that, no matter what happens, Optimus Prime with the rest of the Autobots will always save the world with, of course, who else, Samuel Witwicky.

Now, with that in mind, there are just 3 points about the movie that I really wanna focus on, as follows:

1. The Minor Characters. From that neurotic Dutch Guy to John Malkovich to that crazy Chinese mobster from Hangover, these supposedly lesser cast or characters really added the much-needed flavor to what could have just been another bland Transformers movie. In fact, a lot of the funny lines were from these characters, the best ones I must say is from the “reinvented Dutch!”

2. Patrick Dempsey. Seeing this guy sans the ubiquitous doctor’s coat in the picture was just the much-needed logic and humanity that I longed to see in past Transformers movies. Just like Oliver Platt’s character in the movie 2012 and his “there’s no conspiracy!” rationale, Patrick Dempsey’s character makes me believe that yes, there may be a lot of kids with a Messiah complex in this planet, but history tells me that selfish, greedy, evil human beings are more apparent. I’m not vouching for the bad guys, really. It’s not that Patrick Dempsey’s character can make a movie about shift-shifting alien robots more realistic, but it’s just that, a plot can be so much better if you pair up the yin with the yang.

3. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Upon first knowing that Megan Fox was supposedly fired by Steven Spielberg over her “insensitive Nazi remark,” I just thought that they might as well have taken Optimus Prime and Bumblebee out as well. As far as I know, half of the people watched Transformers because of the robots, the other half watched it because of Megan Fox. At that time, for me to even consider Megan Fox as replaceable was such a sacrilege that I couldn’t help but feel sad for the new chick who may have taken high-heeled shoes that may be too big to fill. But darn, did she prove me wrong! Just like Julianne Moore in Hannibal or Daniel Craig as pre-Bond-James Bond, she had her own flair out of everything.

Nevermind the premature butt exposures which really heightened a lot of senses, let’s just focus on her acting first, then her raw beauty later. Sure, sure, she’s not gonna win any awards unless it’s from MTV or something, but the way she portrayed a role that necessitates the belief that “Megan Fox is indeed replaceable” was just so worth my while. In fact, she was so good at it I’m willing to bet she convinced a lot of people like me that whatshername was in-fact a…. uhm…. what was I talking about again?

And oh, she’s sexy! Although a lot of people find her nose troubling, pretty please, I really hope she doesn’t do anything about it just like what others are saying about, uhm, (Google search keywords: “Girl Transformers 1”), oh: Megan Fox. She might look like Stifler’s mom, Rebekah Kochan, or, if she gained 50 lbs or so, Ms. Piggy, but with that accent – fake or otherwise – she really showed to all of us that a woman’s fragility is a power to behold! As what I’ve said over Facebook, maybe the “No Megan Fox bit” was a much-needed Transformation for this movie. And yes, so kill me, but pun intended.

Now, take numbers 1 to 3 above out of Transformers 3: Dark of Moon and you’re better off watching DVDs at home instead.

Just to add, I almost thought that Michael Bay got another band to “sing when we’re winning” aka “sing when the fat lady sings” but later did I realize that it’s still good ol’ reinvented Linkin Park. It’s just so hard to recognize these days without the emotional “throaty” outbursts at the chorus. Ironically enough, all the best to Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington, by the way, who is now supposedly battling the Big C – cancer.

Now, whether I think they should still continue with another instalment of this franchise, to quote Linkin Park’s “Iridescent,” all I have to say is, “Let it go, Let it go, Let it go, Let it go.

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